It's the name John West rejects, that makes John West the best

Do you ever mix up your metaphors, confuse your colloquialisms or have lyrical lapses?

My flatmate and I have a new visitor to our house. His name is John West.
John West's name must always be uttered in full - "John West".
John West was named after he got to eat the good tuna (it was Sirena actually - so full of unfishy deliciousness that it makes me understand how someone can think that tuna is chicken).

Everytime he drops by, I immediately think of the old Gilette shavers' tagline and add in his name;

"John West, the best a man can get".
This is annoying because I know it is wrong and yet I think it every time I say his name. Grrrr.

Last night I thought I might have overcome this. Our neighbour knocked on our door looking for her lost cat. John West was sitting next to me on the couch and she jumped with joy at finding him.

Except it wasn't him.
It was her.
And her name was Ophelia.

Ophelia! What kind of name is Ophelia? It certainly is no John West, that's for sure.

So I have taken a stand and when visiting our house, Ophelia is John West and the will be no mention of shaving or pussies.